
Just my musings on life in general. I try to post consistently, though it may not be as regularly as I hope or wish. If there's any one "theme" of my blogs, it's that I like to keep topics positive and HOPEful! I love comments, so please feel free to leave me a message!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Advent Relfection #7 - In My Own Words

Friday, December 12, 2008
Advent Reflection #6 - Passion and Purity

Purity and passion make sense only when they are linked and take their deeper
meaning from each other.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Advent Reflection #5 - The Power of a Candle

Rolheiser describes first how "South Africans prior to the abolition of apartheid would light candles and place them in their windows as a sign of hope, a sign that one day this injustice would be overcome." Light and Hope -- or HOPE, as some of us write -- are things I know!
When our group of friends say "I'll light a beacon for you" or ask "Please light a beacon for me," we all understand that this simple light -- whether literal or figurative -- means that we have offered up a prayer, a good thought, a special intention for those in need. If we all lived close enough we would light a signal fire across the miles to send out for aid. This is imagery used by Peter Jackson in the Lord of the Rings films that while illuminating Tolkien's great work, also speaks to the audience of an age-old custom used by allies and vassals. It's imagery we all understand. To continue the theme, Galadriel gives Frodo a phial of light from the star Ëarendil to shine a light in the "dark places of the world."
To those of us who share a Christian belief, Christ is that Light. His coming illuminates those "dark places of the world." In Advent we wait for that light to kindle in the sky, the Star in the East. He comes to our aid.
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Anyway, sorry for the brief hiatus. I was felled by some sort of virus that kept me in bed for nearly four whole days. I'm much better now, despite my Nyquil hang-over -- so it's back to blogging!
Friday, December 05, 2008
Advent Reflection #4 - The Algebra of Advent


Can anyone paint a masterpiece or compose a great symphony in a couple of hours?
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Advent Reflection #3 - Loneliness and Longing

"There is a loneliness that roams. No rocking can hold it down. It is alive, on
its own. A dry and spreading thing that makes the sound of one's own feet going
seem to come from a far-off place."
"What's to be gleaned from our wandering? Has loneliness a design? Is there
a secret to be learned from our longing?
What we learn is that we are more: more than any moment in our lives, more
than any humiliation, more than any achievement, more than the limits of our
bodies, marriages, and jobs. Longing takes us beyond. It teaches us -- better
yet, it lets us touch through desire -- God's deep design for each of us. In the
end, our longings are about consummation, completeness, harmony, and justice. In
our longing, the mystics tell us, we intuit the Kingdom of God."
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Advent Reflection #2 - Healthy Chastity

But a healthy chastity is not so much about sex as it is about reverence and
respect. It is not just about what we experience, but also about when we experience it. An experience can be wrong simply because
it is premature. Chastity, in the end, is about waiting, about trying to
carry all things, not just sex, at a more sublime level. To surround
anything with proper reverence is to say that it's important.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Advent Reflection #1 - The Fire Inside

The fire inside us comes from the way God made us, namely, to crave the
infinite and to be dissatisfied with everything else until that love is
consummated. Thus, the fire inside us will never be extinguished simply by
attaining the right partner, the right job, the right set of
friends, or the
right recognition. We will always be on fire.
Advent Thoughts

Friday, October 10, 2008
Making Strides
That changed this year. I've already had two friends suffer and ultimately lose their battles against breast cancer. Debbie was my sister's best friend -- as well as a good friend to me -- and was taken from us far too soon. Karen was a relatively new friend, but just as dear. She was a comfort and someone to commiserate with while I was dealing with my own cancer. But now… now… two more friends are struggling against this disease. It needs to stop.
Fortunately, both caught it early. But I can't even begin to describe what an interruption this is in one's life, even when the prognosis is positive. Amy and Tracy are both full-time moms with other full-time responsibilities to go along with that. I have no doubt both will come through it with grace and humor and seemingly with hardly missing a beat. But I know it won't be easy, and I pray for swift healing and most of all energy. Geeze…it takes so much energy!
So why am I telling you all this? You probably know… I've gotten good at sticking my hand out for donations to fight cancer and this time is no different! This will be the second year I am participating in the American Cancer Society's "Making Strides Against Breast Cancer" event. It's a 5k walk/run on Saturday, October 18th. Last year I walked it on my own without any to-do – I walked it in memory of Debbie and Karen as a sort of private pilgrimage. But this year I'm playing a more active role – again it's reared its ugly head and I don't want it ever to do so again!
So you know what to do… if you want to make a donation, my ACS website is listed below. I know with the economy the way it is right now, that may be difficult or impossible, but every little bit helps. As always,prayers and good thoughts are always welcome…for Amy and Tracy… for the Making Strides event's success… and that the cure for breast cancer will be found soon!
Thanks & love,
Lisa.
You can click on the ACS widget on the left side of this page or Click here to visit my personal page. If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY09GreatLakes?px=2920142&pg=personal&fr_id=11667&s_tafId=194006
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Good News about Possible Ovarian Cancer Detection
Here's the article -- be sure to read it!
Possible Marker for Ovarian Cancer
And, ladies, make your appointment for your yearly exams today. Ovarian cancer isn't usually detected through a PAP and pelvic exam, but if you know your body you're more likely to know when something isn't right. We all have to be our own advocates when it comes to our health -- don't put it off! :-)
Thursday, September 04, 2008
What HGTV Has Wrought!


Well, I had planned on posting about this months ago, but I didn't get started on the project right away...
Here's a small part of my even smaller bathroom before I started my redecorating. (I wish I could say renovating, but after having my new laminate flooring installed upstairs any big changes must wait)
So here it is... er... was... I was going for a calm, seashore feeling, but it didn't work out quite as I'd planned and I never really liked going in there. You might also notice in the picture that I removed the "make-up mirror"-style light fixture that is ubiquitous in all new (cheap) construction. Boy, is that ever a tale! But I'll leave that for another time when I can complain about crappy contractors in full! lol!
So, blue walls... dark lavender shower curtain... sea-green trim (be thankful you can't see it in the photo! Oh, wait... there it is... my condolences! Not one of my finer design moments, I fear! lol!)... oak vanity and lots of clutter! (Clutter is another topic I may have to tackle soon!)
I first found the fabric, which I love, to make a new shower curtain -- a black and white toile -- and everything else took off from there. I didn't want a completely black and white room, so took my time deciding on a good color to play off the pattern. I saw a yellow room in a magazine with the B&W toile and silhouettes as artwork and decided that was the look I wanted, especially since I had found some pretty golden yellow beading that would work well on the curtain.
Now, yellow isn't really one of my favorite colors, but it's such a happy, cheerful look that I couldn't resist trying it in the bathroom as a way to start my day with a perky attitude -- particularly because living in an interior condo unit there is very little natural light, and there's absolutely none in the the bathrooms!
So... then I saw that photo of the bathroom with the tone-on-tone striping (see photo in a previous post) and knew I had to try it! First I went to Lowe's to pick up paint chips to decide on the right color (dutifully paying my $50 cover charge, as friend Murchie calls it!). The tone was going to be important because I had a yellow bedroom as a teen -- banana yellow, as a matter of fact, and grew to dislike it. I had a west-facing bedroom and that dark yellow in the setting sun made it even darker -- I never had the benefit of the rising eastern sun to make it bright. And, of course, as I'm writing this I don't have the paint chip winners with me, so I can't report the color names at the moment... anyway... I went with a pale, almost creamy yellow as a base then striped it with the next shade darker.
Striping, while not difficult, didn't turn out quite as I planned. I'm not really mathematical despite my number-crunching job -- or I guess I should say I'm not geometrical or spatial. I measured out the stripes, believing that I had accounted for the tape. Of course, I didn't account for it properly. However, it just means that the lighter stripe is a different width then the darker one. The difference is not all that great -- and I can live with it! lol! (Subsequently my father gave me a tip that I should start measuring from the middle of the room instead of the edge... I'll remember that next time... if there ever IS a next time! lol!)
I'm still not quite finished with the project. The stripes look like they're floating with nothing to hold them in place, so chair rail must be installed. It also fits the look of the style I'm going for anyway. I've purchased the chair rail and have painted it with the Du Jour white as the rest of the trim (thank goodness the green is gone, gone, gone!). I just need to wait for someone with a miter box, hand-saw and nail-gun to be available to put it up!
In the meantime, I'm tackling painting the vanity. The standard oak cabinetry is just too casual for my tastes, which tend toward classic and European, not contemporary and country. I primed it with Kilz (which smells nasty, btw!) and have now two coats of the Du Jour white on it -- and it still needs at least another coat! I should've put another coat of primer on it before putting the good stuff on -- I'll know better next time (look out kitchen cabinets!). I need to get that done tonight or tomorrow because I want to put up all the paint paraphenalia before the housekeepers come on Saturday.
I've also started to put in a few of the accessories (which I'm endeavoring to keep at the bare minumum!). The toile vase, I found months ago and I've put in some leftover yellow flowers I had around. I'm not completely satisfied with the arrangement, but it'll do for now. I also have a little soap in a box that is a fleur de lis (my favorite!) and the little toile-ish dress-form that holds jewelry came from friend Sofia (thanks!). I'm going to create silhouettes of my nieces and nephews and am about ready to start that project when I get a couple more pix, but I think it will be fun and easy. I looked up instructions on the web and found some ideas how to make them still have that 18th-19th century look, but still be hip and modern, so I'm eager to get started on that! I also bought the yellow bath mats some time ago...
The floor... I'm in denial about the floor...
That's where it stands for now. I'll update more when I've got a few more things done!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The "Look" - Part Deux

It's not really a long tale. In fact, for most it may not be all that big of a deal. But for about half an hour this past weekend I felt the full brunt of a gentleman's scrutiny that I had not felt in quite some time.
My self-esteem has never been what you might call "healthy." I grew up shy and have never thought that many men gave me a second glance. My delicate ego took a further hit after losing my hair to chemo and gaining back all the weight I'd lost then. These past four years I've pretty much felt like my feminity was invisible. I know it is there, and my personality itself is no longer the wallflower it once was. However, if my sensuality was tentative before, it seems to have been utterly obliterated.
Of course, the majority of this comes from my own doing. I stopped caring about making an effort to a large extent. I am comfortable with myself on the inside, why should the outside matter, right?
But it does matter. It matters a great deal... to me anyway. And I found out how much it mattered when someone who has always made me feel beautiful reminded me of that with one hard stare. I haven't seen him in several years -- since before the cancer even. This is a guy who just being across the room from him makes me feel tingly. And the weird thing is... he and I have never been (and never will be to my girlish regret) in an intimate relationship other than mere friendship. He's just someone who resonates with me on a physical level that I've rarely felt with anyone else. Too bad, eh? lol!
So, anyway, Saturday night when I hadn't seen him in over five years we meet up quite unexpectedly and in that moment he looks at me... I don't mean that kind of look that you give someone when you meet after some time -- giving her the once-over and taking in her hair, her weight, her clothes, her age... He just LOOKS at me for a long minute. I don't know what he was looking for, but he wasn't judging me -- he was just taking me in, like a long drink of water.
It's a heady feeling, let me tell you! And an ego boost that I needed desperately. I sure HOPE it's not another five or six years until I see him again!
When was the last time you got the "look?"
The "Look"
The image conjured from the phrase the "Look" is most often that of a stern teacher when you're goofing off in the back of class -- or worse, of an annoyed parent when you're bickering with your sister in the back of the car on a long trip.Thursday, May 08, 2008
Another Year Cancer-Free!
The good news... great news, actually... is that I'm still cancer-free -- and I plan on staying that way! :-)
Next week also marks my fourth year in participating in the ACS's Relay For Life. This year I'm also on the committee, which has posed some challenges as I was planning Moot V and trying to fit in Relay stuff as well. That's my fault, of course, for agreeing to do it, but I also think other people's idea of my committment to the Relay was a great deal more than I stressed I could handle. Oh well, c'est la vie! I'll know better next time to tell them, "no means no" and not be coerced into volunteering for more than I mean to!!
That said, I still have duties as Peregrine's Posse's team captain -- especially doing my share of the fund raising. Below is the email that I sent out to most of my email list or posted at various sites:
My local Relay For Life is next week already! It seemed like months away and suddenly it is here already...And you know what else has gone by fast? It's been 4 years already since I was diagnosed with Stage I Ovarian Cancer. In a way it seems like another lifetime ago, but it's also still very much with me every day -- especially all the support and prayers and good wishes I received from all my family and friends!
As I mentioned above, the Relay is a week from this Saturday (May 17th), and with all I've had going on this Spring I'm a little behind on my fund-raising efforts! Eep!
So you know what comes next... I'd love not to have to bug everyone I know to donate each year, but the reality is that cancer is always with us... always waiting to invade another person's system and take hold.
Doctors and researchers have made great strides in cancer treatment, but we still don't have a cure. Our best defense is taking care of our health through a good diet and consistent exercise -- but when that fails, early detection is what has been proven to be key to the recovery rate.
Getting the word out... finding a cure... helping cancer patients who need resources... these all take money. In our cash-strapped communities it's difficult to find the extra money for donations, but honestly it doesn't have to be much -- it adds up quickly!
$10 buys a luminary to honor a friend or family member who has dealt with or is dealing with cancer.
The Relay itself will have treats and souvenirs and other ways to collect donations that are affordable and fun ways to contribute -- if you're in town, please stop by our tent!
As always good thoughts and prayers for a successful Relay are much appreciated. Hope to see you there!
Thank you again for your love & support...
Much love to all,
lisa.
PS: The link to my Relay homepage is below -- you can donate online from there!
PPS: Please feel free to forward this on to anyone you believe would be interested -- thank you!!
Click here to visit my personal page.If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RelayForLifeGreatLakesDivision?px=2920142&pg=personal&fr_id=8150&et=CqX_Ji3vrG9IveNz6I5Yvw..&s_tafId=117796
Click here to view the team page for Peregrine's PosseIf the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RelayForLifeGreatLakesDivision?team_id=186879&pg=team&fr_id=8150&et=SjtgFecSyznZ3ZZr4Ej0dw..&s_tafId=117796
Saturday, January 12, 2008

Saturday, November 10, 2007
Madly Dancing in My Chair

Originally published October 15, 2007
This past weekend I spent a whirlwind evening with friends Bonnie, MEM and Peachie in Columbus, OH at The Palace Theatre to hear Celtic artist Loreena McKennitt perform. I've heard many artists and loved all the music they performed, but I have to say this is one of the highlights!
I've long been a fan of Ms. McKennitt's work. I love the ethereal sound of her voice and the exotic instrumentation she uses, but I was completely unprepared for the deep earthiness of the live sound she and her band have in person... the cello grounds the airiness of Ms. McKennitt's voice... the virtuosity of the fiddle player's high-flying cadenzas leave the audience breathless... the unusual sounds of the hurdy-gurdy, oud and lyra kept the pieces moving with their sonorous continuo... and the rhythmic beat of the hand percussion and drum kit were both a measured sound and a physical sensation. And above all, the intimate rapport all the musicians had while playing was a joy to watch - they genuinely LOVE playing together! There was no jaded expressions from this talented group!
What I also love about Ms. McKennitt's work is the care she takes in researching the music, sounds and cultures that inspire her pieces. This is a woman who loves to travel and delve deeply into her source material. We should be so lucky that all artists take this amount of time and painstaking attention to detail - and I feel lucky to have had the opportunity to experience in Saturday night!
Wanderlust

Originally published September 10, 2007
"Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road, Healthy, free, the world before me, The long brown path before leading wherever I choose."
--Walt Whitman. Open lines, "Song of the Open Road," 1856, Leaves of Grass, 1855-1892.
I recently returned from a wonderful weekend away with friends (Hi, Nay & Riya!) and it got me to thinking about traveling and what makes it so appealing to some and a trial for others.
For me, I love it. I would love it even more if I had unlimited funds, but honestly that's really the only thing I don't like about traveling - the expense. Paris, and especially London, last spring were particularly crippling when it came to the budget. It was lucky that Cassey and I had our lodging free everywhere we went!
But going to new places, meeting new people and experiencing new cultures is what drives me to trek to as many places as I find intriguing. I only wish I could do some time-travel too, for the cultures have evolved so much in the last 2000+ years. There are certainly places that I wouldn't go now (mostly due to safety concerns) that I'd love to explore - Egypt during the height of Victorian archaeological discoveries... Ireland when kings still sat on the throne of Tara... Paris during the time of Louis XIV... Constantinople and Byzantium... the cultures of the Inca and the Mayans...
Well, enough day-dreaming! So I sat at lunch today and wrote down all the places I had traveled (or at least the highlights). I was surprised at how much I've actually traveled --
In the US:
Michigan
Indiana (of course!)
Illinois
Wisconsin
Minnesota (layover)
Oregon
California
Arizona (layover)
Kansas
Missouri
Kentucky
Tennessee
Georgia
Florida
South Carolina
North Carolina
Washington, DC (layover)
Pennsylvania
New York
Delaware (drive through state)
Rhode Island (drive through state)
Connecticut
Massachusetts
West Virginia (drive through state)
Ohio
Outside the US:
Canada
England
Belgium (layover)
France
Ireland
I feel blessed to have the experiences! But coming home is always the most wonderful leg of the journey, and in a way I understand why there are people who would prefer not to wander far from their doorstep. Home is safe and secure and one's own bed and pillow are the best comfort of all.
I'm waiting for the day when transporter travel is a reality so I can visit a new place in the morning and be home by bedtime!
Two more quotes about traveling - both from JRR Tolkien...
"Not all who wander are lost."
"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to."
Disappointment in Love - Review

Originally published August 12, 2007
Last night I went to see the movie "Becoming Jane," which was the story (somewhat fictionalized or perhaps more imagined) of the author Jane Austen and her possible brief love affair with Tom Lefroy who became Ireland's Chief Justice of the Court of Queen's Bench.
Being an avid Austenite I was naturally eager to see the film and went out of my way to make sure I did, as it is only currently playing in three theatres here (I'm hoping for a more wide-spread release as word of mouth grows!). What I experienced was so much more than I expected.
First, the film. There was a nice mix of well-known, up-and-coming actors as well as British gems in the cast. Anne Hathaway of "Princess Diaries" and "Prada" fame played Jane. I had no doubts of her doing an exquisitely fine job as my heroine-authoress, as I thought her portrayal as one of the betrayed wives in "Brokeback Mountain" extraordinary and under-rated. Her more famously-noted juvenile film roles belie her more complex talents as an actress. And yet, it's her spunky you-go-girl roles that perhaps inform Jane's independence and graciousness to her younger readers (more on this later). Ms. Hathaway is lovely and while perhaps attention to detail by the director with regards to period posture and manners might be a bit lacking, it was not so much to take me out of the film for looking modern. I think corsets have a lot to do with it! I also thought her diction and accent comparable to the other British actors - perhaps even more natural-sounding that Gwyneth Paltrow's very proper English in "Emma" a few years back (which I also loved!).
Her Tom was played by Scottish actor James McAvoy, of whom I was aware having seen him in "The Chronicals of Narnia" as Mr. Tumnus. He of late is better known as having the supporting role to Forest Whitaker in the award-winning "The Last King of Scotland." He is handsome, young and boyishly dashing with azure eyes to rival another favorite actor of mine, Elijah Wood (perhaps he can play the young Bilbo Baggins if "The Hobbit" ever gets into production!!). He played Tom with equal amounts profligate wastrel, noble & dutiful son and romantic hero! He definitely won me over!
Some other familiar faces on the screen belonged to a masterly contigent of elders - namely Dame Maggie Smith, James Cromwell and Dame Julie Walters. What is there more to say about this trio of acting brilliance?
No one plays the hauteur of the British nobility with more prim but affectionate verve than Dame Maggie. While the movie leads you to believe that her Lady Gresham is the precursor to Lady Catherine de Bourgh from "P&P," I still find it difficult to completely dislike her as one is meant to with that other august personage. She makes much of an wonderful extended-cameo - and she rocks the green velvet gown and massive family jewels like no one's business!
James Cromwell, better known as Farmer Hoggett from "Babe" plays Jane's father Reverend Austen - and while the reverend is a pious man, he's no saint when it comes to matters of the bedroom as illustrated by the very first scene! When Mrs. Austen teases that she's known him for thirty years as they lie in bed and has yet to know perfection, he busily begins to change her mind! Her pleased murmur of, "... but it's a Sunday!" nearly had me on the floor within two minutes of the movie... (No worries, it's practically PG!)
Everyone by now will recognize Dame Julie Walters as Molly Weasley in the "Harry Potter" films. Here too she plays a mother with a gaggle of older children she is trying to tame, but with far less shrillness and with equal compassion, despite her frustrated outbursts against poverty due to following her affections rather than financial familial duty and having to dig her own potatoes! There is probably a case for comparing her to Mrs. Bennet from "P&P," but Mrs. Austen is no silly woman. She does worry for her children's future, but not at the expense of her own self-centered aims.
The rest of the cast is largely unknown to American audiences, but in looking at their filmographies they are mostly busy actors in Britain. Several I noticed were in another favorite film of mine, "Gosford Park," so now I will need to pull that out and look for them! All well-done portrayals and no false notes in my opinion.
Costuming and sets were well-done - the sets in particular seemed to me to give a real sense of time period and place. Ireland stood in for Hampshire in the film - and when I finally can afford to go back I will certainly seek out the area where they filmed! I also noted with pleasure that the costuming didn't look as if each piece had just been made. They were garments worn by the individuals not costumes put on just at the moment of filming - Jane's nightdress had cuffs that were worn and frayed, for instance - as well as both she and her sister Cassandra wore their clothes more than once. No new costume for each scene!
As I mentioned before the script itself is an imagining or an embellished stretching of circumstances in this pair's life. Nothing is known for sure about their relationship other than they had met and seeminly enjoyed a flirtation at the very least. I would like to think that Jane did have an opportunity to feel real romantic love and this story left me breathless and believing it could have been true!
Now we are getting into the realm of spoilers here - if you do not know anything about Jane Austen's life and want to be surprised by the ending of the movie, you might want to stop reading right about now... You've been warned!!!
It didn't hit me all at once, but in talking with my friend over dinner about it and then driving home and then lying in bed... and even daydreaming during mass (yes, I admit it!), I had several emotions assail me with regards to some of the underlying truths about Jane's life.
My regards for Jane Austen go beyond her talent as a writer. I've often felt akin to her when I've read about her life, especially as I've gotten older. I wouldn't presume to put my own writing in her class... yet. I pray that someday I might have a modicum amount of success, but it goes beyond the quality of her or my talent - or perhaps I should say despite it. We are both authoresses (is it wrong that I still like that term?) who are well-loved within their family unit. In reading some of Jane's letters to her sister Cassandra or her brothers or their children, it is obvious the affection she holds for them, and they for her. I believe, I hope, I hold the same fond spot in the hearts of my sisters, parents, niece, nephews and family and friends. And it may be even that that love is all the more tender as neither Jane nor myself (at least yet) have found that lover and helpmate that the rest all have. We are alone with no one to share the burdens of finances, joys and disappointments in life. Yes, we do lean on our families in times of need and are heartily grateful for their love and support and would not spurn it for anything. Yet, those intimate moments that only two people in love can share were never Jane's - and have yet to be mine.
And as this movie so heart-breakingly illustrates Jane had her disappointments in love - something that I have also felt. Our circumstances were very different, but that doesn't negate the difficult hurt that she and I have both had to endure and then overcome. I cannot speak for Jane, but as to my own disappointments they did not leave me scarred or bitter. I have learned from them and taken away good lessons and genuine affection despite the realization that the man I loved was not meant to be mine, nor I his. But I do feel for Jane. And I understand what it is like to be a certain age with few to no marriage prospects (as she might have said). I still have hope that my current state of singledom is not permanent, but I know that at some point Jane must have if not exactly despaired of it, at least came to the practical conclusion that her fortunes lay with her family. It was fortunate indeed that they loved her and could provide for her. The money she received for her writings could not have earned her a living as they would today.
But the scene that touched me the very most was at the end. And it wasn't even the look of acknowledgement and resignation between Jane and Tom for what they had meant to each other. It was a small moment... Tom's daughter enthusiastically pleads with Jane to read for everyone at the assembly they've met at by mistake. Tom sternly admonishes the girl with, "Jane!" and they all take a moment to realize that she is named after his first love. Jane's brother has explained to her (as he had moments earlier to another young admirer) that Jane doesn't want the notariety that reading in public would bring her, but when the girl looks crestfallen, Jane holds out a hand to her and says (paraphrasing), "But I will for my new friend here. Why do you not come sit by me..." and leads her to a sofa in the salon. The moment really touched my heart and underscored to me just what it is that I want to be able to do and to be for other young readers like Jane Lefroy. Not the acclaim nor the hero-worship, but the ability to give generously of my talent and wisdom to young people, to help them weather the storms of becoming an adult, but more importantly of becoming a gracious and intelligent adult.
So that is my wish. I have written it and now I have something to which to aspire! All thanks to Jane Austen...
Not all who wander are lost...

Originally published June 4, 2007
Today I picked up my "pack" - my spiritual pack, I suppose - and struck out on a new path. Not so new that it is completely unfamiliar, but a parallel track that has not yet been beaten down by so many feet before me.
I needed a change, a change in myself and I really felt that strongly today. The road I've been on has been one of physical recovery and then complacency. But over the weekend I realized that my body is responding to me once again and it is time I really press forward and see how far I can go.
The Relay was part of that realization. Last year I stayed all through the night and I enjoyed the time I had with family and friends and my Shieldsisters, but I wasn't fully present physically. This year I felt it - I felt energy back in my legs and my body. I could walk as long as I wanted as long as I had something to motivate me to get on the track.
Today I knew I had to get back to the gym. I have to get my body and my mind into a physical routine that will sustain me healthfully for my next 40+ years. So I went to the gym. I gratefully walked across campus to deliver paperwork to several offices. I walked OFF campus to a nearby church to look for and walk their Chartres style labyrinth.
I have been facinated by labyriths for several years now, but only just got to walk one for the first time at Moot in April - and it was transforming. I now want to find others and walk as many of them as I can.
The walk today was an easy one and not too much farther than if I just needed to go to the Student Union. Rain was threatening, but it has been for the past week, I decided to risk it. I was certain that if I didn't go looking for it today I might never find it. The rain held during the ten or so minutes it took me to get to the church's campus. It took me a few extra minutes to find the labyrith. The church was still, no one seemed around (though I rather felt that someone was watching me nonetheless - not in a threatening way - a very benevolent spirit, but not a spirit that I am accostomed to... this was not my church).
I actually saw the labyrinth and wondered if that could be it when I passed by it, but it just looked like a gravel lot from the sidewalk. However, on my way back from the end of the property I decided to investigate it and indeed that was where the labyrinth was.
At first it was difficult to pick out the pavers that formed the Chartres pattern... gravel spread over it, not contained by the terra cotta bricks. Weeds and debris also littered the path and I wondered at the lack of upkeep, as the rest of the grounds looked in good order. I do not know if this is true, but perhaps they let the labyrinth take on these messy obstacles, knowing that life is not at all tidy and we are bound to find weeds or debris on the Road? I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt anyway...
So I begin my labyrinth journey, starting at the "door" with a centering prayer. It takes me a moment to feel ready to start, and even then I am still a bit unsettled. I try to listen to the nature around me, to block out all the thoughts crowding my consciousness - the wind picking up, the plane overhead, the lack of birdsong... then the first drops start to fall. I try to ignore them, hoping that the rain will quickly pass as it has all week.
At first it seemed like it would and I continue on the labyrinth's twisting turns, but soon the drops are heavier. I stop on the path beneath the huge tree growing next to it thinking that it would shelter me from the worst of the rain - and it does at first. The rain seems to let up and I try again, but soon the rain begins to fall harder and faster. I make my way on the path back under the tree, but as I stand there the rain starts pelting me beneath the leaves.
What now? Do I go and finish the labyrinth? Or do I try to stand under the tree until the rain lets up? Perhaps you're wondering why I just didn't run for real cover in a building?
Because it felt like cheating to me. So I stood there in the rain for a long moment, just letting it fall, being okay with getting wet - rather letting it cleanse me in a rather symbolic way, a baptism of sorts. A new start after dealing with illness and recovery these past three years.
So now I've started a new chapter, a new journey, and I must see it through... no falling back onto the old well-worn path. From now on I must look forward and make my own trail. Live my life in the most authentic and present way I can. I've been given a gift of a second chance in so many ways. It would be a shame to fall into the old ways.
Oh, and did I mention that as soon I left the labyrinth, pausing for a short prayer of gratitude, that the rain stopped completely? A baptism indeed.

