The "Look" - Part Deux

So... the story...
It's not really a long tale. In fact, for most it may not be all that big of a deal. But for about half an hour this past weekend I felt the full brunt of a gentleman's scrutiny that I had not felt in quite some time.

My self-esteem has never been what you might call "healthy." I grew up shy and have never thought that many men gave me a second glance. My delicate ego took a further hit after losing my hair to chemo and gaining back all the weight I'd lost then. These past four years I've pretty much felt like my feminity was invisible. I know it is there, and my personality itself is no longer the wallflower it once was. However, if my sensuality was tentative before, it seems to have been utterly obliterated.

Of course, the majority of this comes from my own doing. I stopped caring about making an effort to a large extent. I am comfortable with myself on the inside, why should the outside matter, right?

But it does matter. It matters a great deal... to me anyway. And I found out how much it mattered when someone who has always made me feel beautiful reminded me of that with one hard stare. I haven't seen him in several years -- since before the cancer even. This is a guy who just being across the room from him makes me feel tingly. And the weird thing is... he and I have never been (and never will be to my girlish regret) in an intimate relationship other than mere friendship. He's just someone who resonates with me on a physical level that I've rarely felt with anyone else. Too bad, eh? lol!

So, anyway, Saturday night when I hadn't seen him in over five years we meet up quite unexpectedly and in that moment he looks at me... I don't mean that kind of look that you give someone when you meet after some time -- giving her the once-over and taking in her hair, her weight, her clothes, her age... He just LOOKS at me for a long minute. I don't know what he was looking for, but he wasn't judging me -- he was just taking me in, like a long drink of water.

It's a heady feeling, let me tell you! And an ego boost that I needed desperately. I sure HOPE it's not another five or six years until I see him again!

When was the last time you got the "look?"

The "Look"

The image conjured from the phrase the "Look" is most often that of a stern teacher when you're goofing off in the back of class -- or worse, of an annoyed parent when you're bickering with your sister in the back of the car on a long trip.

If you are au courant on fashion, the phrase "The Look" (actually the New Look) describes designer Christian Dior's debut collect in the Spring of 1947, which featured a below-mid-calf length, full-skirt, large bust, and small waist. Or if you have "the look," you are stylish and wearing the "latest" fashion.

But I'm not talking about any of those things. I'm talking about the glance you get from an admirer, one that curls your toes and makes you feel both desirable and the only woman in the universe -- that's the "look" I mean.

When was the last time you got that penetrating look from someone? Last night at dinner? This morning as you lay in bed together? A month ago on "date night?" A year ago on your last anniversary? Your wedding day? Can't come up with one?

Neither can I... but I came close the other night.

I'll let you ponder that. Then I'll be back later to talk about my experience...